burn_my_soul_x3

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2008-02-10T17:54:00

2008-02-10T23:57:04Z

Alright so wow.
Alot has changed since last time I updated this shit.
There's this kid.
And I really like him.
And it's not like every other time.
I feel different this time.
And it's amazing.
We're not technically together yet.
But soon I hope.

I'm working at Brooks now.
I started yesterday.
I like it,
for the most part.
(:

The end.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-12-01T10:07:00

2007-12-01T15:11:14Z

So I went to my first party last night since...that whole thing.
I didn't drink.
It's been four weeks I think since the last time I did.
It was kind of weird.
Being the sober one there.
But it's whatever.
I deal.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-11-28T05:31:00

2007-11-28T11:34:04Z

Amazing.
Because it is.
I can't wait.
This is so incredible.

Thank you for coming back into my life.

(:

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-11-09T23:33:00

2007-11-10T04:46:37Z

Alright soo...
Cody.
No more.
I feel bad but it's not my fault.
It's better this way.
That is one thing i'm deffinatly sure of.
I just honestly can't believe all this has happened.
=/

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-28T20:12:00

2007-10-29T00:16:21Z

Soooo there's this kid.
Cody.
And he makes me happy.
10/27/07
KayThatsAll.
[=

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-18T22:20:00

2007-10-19T02:23:56Z

This is incredible.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-09T21:26:00

2007-10-10T01:28:54Z

Is it selfish of me to not want
to have to be the strong one anymore?
=/

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-06T12:28:00

2007-10-06T16:29:22Z

Okay sooo...

Fuck You.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-03T18:10:00

2007-10-03T22:13:32Z

Mmmmm...today was good.
[=
I'm not really sure why.
I was just...really happy.
And I love being like that.
♥

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-02T20:09:00

2007-10-03T00:20:19Z

I fucking hate nights like tonight. And it's not even like anything happened. Well..not really anyways. That shit is normal. I haven't been like this in a long time and suddenly...now...I am again. It's fucking stupid. I just sit here...and thing about everything. And just come up with problems and over analyze everything in my head. I just want it to be this saturday because my ashley will be home. I miss her so fucking much. I hate it. I want her to come home for good. I don't like this whole college thing. And then next year...Kailey and Robby and Kiehli and everyone else will be leaving too. What the fuckkk am I going to do!? This is fucking bullshit. I thought things were getting better but they're not. I still don't have anything to look forward to. I need a fucking job. I'm running out of money. God fucking damnittt. It just needs to be like..thursday or friday or saturday night. Then it wont even matter. No fucking school Friday or monday. Thank god. I'm getting so sick of that place already. It's rediculous. I always feel so stupid there. Especially in fucking history. Like...honestly. Why don't I know any of that shit. And I don't even see my old friends anymore. I guess that's my fault though. It's my fault i'm changing and i'm always doing other shit and not seeing them. Whatever. People change but apparently my situation is different. My situation always has to be fucking different. What the fuck ever. I don't care.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-10-01T07:23:00

2007-10-01T11:24:17Z

Haven't updated this in a while.

Yeah....
I'll do it later.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-08-29T21:57:00

2007-08-30T01:57:55Z

I'm leaving for Rhode Island tomorrow.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-08-24T13:13:00

2007-08-24T17:18:46Z

Never again am I going to become so sure about something so quickly.

In other words.

Dougy and I=Not happening.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-08-02T23:58:00

2007-08-03T04:13:04Z

So
I met
a boy.
His name
is Dougy.
He's pretty
much amazing.
This scares me.
I have never became
so attatched to someone
in such a short period of
time. And I have never became
this affraid of loosing someone
in such a short period of time either.
Like...the thought of losing him forever
just terrifies me. And even feeling so needy
of someone scares me. I've never been the type
to be so dependent on something. Or someone. I
am always finding myself thinking about him and
wanting to be with him. And even when I am with
him I never want to leave. Everything just feels
so perfect when we're together. I've never felt
so sure about something in my life. And i've
never not second-guessed myself about some-
thing. It's a really amazing feeling and
I never want it to leave. He makes me
feel like I matter and like.......I
have something to offer the world
I guess you could say. I just
love how I feel and how we
are when we are together.
I want to be this cer-
tain about this for-
ever. I should be
seeing him on
Monday and I
can't wait.
I'm super
excited.
<3

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-07-28T07:22:00

2007-07-28T11:33:46Z

So yesterday was good.
I had it off but of course
I had to occupy my whole day
with seeing people. That's what
I do since work days are super lame.
Except today should be amazing. I get
to see Dougy. I'm pretty much super excited.
Oh and I got my laptop. It's so cute. So yesterday
I went to Ashley's when I got up to see her without
Cody. But then he came at like noon. I told her how I
thought she was changing n' stuff. I think she was kinda
upset but I had to say something. But she said that she knew
and was gonna change. I miss how things used to be with me n'
her and i'm really sad that she's going away to college. aslkdj
So then Shelby picked me up at Ashley's and I thought Ashley was
gonna cry. She looked really sad. Haha but then I went to hang out
with Shelby for a while. And i'm fucking in love with her bedroom
floor. Hahah. It's so cute. =D So then I left there and went home
for a few and then went to Kiehli's house where nobody was even
there so I had to look like a douche and stand outside but then
she came home and was like oh you should have just went inside.
Hahah jeezeee. Then we got Holly and steph and went to the
movies but decided to go to the Neptune and then movies.
We saw Hairspray. Their fuckin singing was getting
annoying. I don't care if it's supposed to be a
musical. Hahah. No, it was a cute movie though.
Holly said that the Lucy girl or whatever her
name is..well...she said they found her in a
Diner. That'd be cool. =P So blah blah blah
we took Holly and Steph home and went to
Mike C.'s house for a little while. When
we got there they all started flipping
out on Mike P. cuz they said he hit
Ryan's truck. Which we finally
figured out that he did but
not right when he had just
left. But still. They
didn't need to yell so
much about it. My fucking
god. Hahah. I thought it was
funny anyways. =P So work now.
Ew I don't want to go. But then
Dougy's after work. Mmmm...yay =D

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-07-21T23:38:00

2007-07-22T03:40:52Z

I'm at the lake now.
I feel very odd latly.
Yesterday I was in a great mood.
And today I feel like shit.
If anything I should have had a hangover
yesterday and felt like shit then.
Blahh.
aldkfja;lskdjf;
Whatever.
I'm fuckin tired.
Goodnight.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-07-16T22:55:00

2007-07-17T02:55:56Z

I'm home from Cicero.
I don't want to be.
I didn't miss this place at all.
It's alot easier to just stay away from all this.
a;fjksafdl;jksafdl;jsaf
~~Fuck.~~

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-07-09T07:18:00

2007-07-09T11:34:56Z

Update.
-Work is lame.
-Got a letter from "dad" the other day.
-Still like the boy.
-Not Dan. Hahah.
-Cicero tomorrow morning till Sunday.
-Fit 30 sweedish fish in my mouth yesterday.
-Seth and I are still talking.
-Started wrting again.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer."
-George Patton

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-22T22:15:00

2007-06-23T02:34:58Z

Work was so fucking stressfull today.
lafjdl;jdsafl;sajdf
There was one good thing that came out of it though.
Dan and I finally properly introduced ourselves.
=D
He's so nice.
And funny.
We took a walk together.
And talked.
We were on the hunt for some gloves.
Because Kayla needed them.
But I just wanted to walk with him.
Heh.
I know I don't really know him.
But idk....
I just felt like....happy.
Blahhh.
I crush too easily.

Graduation was today.
I want to graduate like....now.
But in a way....I don't.
Highschool is just safe in a sense.
No real world issues.
But in a way...
I want to deal with those issues.
I want to be a part of something real.

Anywayssss.

I need sleep.

Up at 5:30 timorrow morning.

Work by 7.

Goodnight world.

No one can build his security upon
the nobleness of another person.
-Willa Cather

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-20T19:48:00

2007-06-21T00:03:09Z

So I just got home from going running.
I decided to go to the pond.
Just because I like it there.
But then I got sad.
Because the whole reason I used to love it up there
is because nobody else knew about it.
I mean....
i'm sure people did.
But it's just the fact that it's this pond...
in the middle of nowhere.
And when you're there.
It feels like there's nobody else.
But anyways...
I went there.
And there was this huge fucking path that goes to it.
Like...for a dumptruck or some shit.
And then there was this like...
water generator thing.
Oh and this path went to the opposite side of the pond that I normally go to.
So I was just like screw that.
And I went and figured out how to get yo my side.
And then it was all okay.

That's my pond.
[=

Everything has changed up there.
And it bothers me.
Because I used to go up there all the time.
Blahhh.
alsfjl;jdsl;jdsaf

And ummmm.....
Yeah.
Boys are fuckin dumb.
Me and Seth started talking again.
And he's acting like he did every other
fucking time we started talking again.
I really should have known.
And i'm not giving him any more chances.
If he wants it bad enough...
he'll have to prove it this time.
It just pisses me off.
Cuz i've known him my whole life.
And this is where we're at.
I really want him to change.
And I honestly think he
could be a really great guy.

And....
I started my job this past saturday.
It's a good job I suppose.
I mean...they're really un organized.
But other than that.
It's good.
The people are super nice and all.
I still miss the red bear though.
This is better though.
I still go visit them.
Matty is still there.
Hahah. He's a dork.
And yeah.
Brian is still manager.
God only knows how he is pulling that one off.

I need to call caleb.
I miss him.
It's weird how we are.
We party.
Then don't talk untill his next party.
But when we do see eachother and talk.
It's like we always talk.
Hahaha it's odd.
But i love him.
He's like....a best friend now.
I need someone to replace the old him though.
Real bad.
kaljd;flksadf;lka

KBye.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-10T23:55:00

2007-06-11T03:58:22Z

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding
something to live for, great enough to die for."
-Dag Hammarskjold

Today was odd.
I got home from Caleb's around 2 something.
Last night was fun.
Then I just laid around here all day being lazy.
Then Kie called me and was like we're coming to get you.
And I laughed.
And her, ashley, cody, and ian walked here to get me.
Hah, it was fun.
Me and cody are good now I guess.
I trust him when he says it wasn't him.
...for some odd reason....I don't know.
Even though I miss how we used to be a longggg time ago...
I don't think it'll go back to that way.
Because it would be too hard.
=/

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-07T20:23:00

2007-06-08T00:44:40Z

I have a feeling that this is gonna be a really long entry.
And it shouldn't be because I still have to write an essay tonight.
But I don't care.
I need to.

So....
You're a 90's kid if:
-You can finish this [ice ice_ _ _ _ ]
-You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
-You remember when beepers was the thing to have : )
-You remember watching...
*Doug
*Ren & Stimpy
*Pinky and the Brain
*AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
*Rockos modern Life.
-You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
-You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
-You remember:
*TGIF
*Step by Step
*Family Matters
*Dinosaurs
*Boy Meets World. :)
-You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
-You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
-You remember reading "Goosebumps"
-You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
-You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
-when everyhting was settled by:
*rock paper scissors or
*bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
*daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
-when cops and robbers was a daily activity.
-when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.
-when we used to obey our parents
-You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
-"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
-Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
-You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
-You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
-You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
-You remember watching:
*The Magic School Bus
*Wishbone
*Reading Rainbow on PBS.
-You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
-You remember those Where's Waldo books.
-You remember eating Warheads.
-You remember watching:
*the 1st Batman
*Aladdin
*Ninja Turtles
*3 Ninjas movies.
-You remember Ring Pops.
-You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
-If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
-When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
-You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
-Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.
-You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)
-You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
-. . . Furbies.
-You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
-And Windows 95 was the best.
-You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
-Michael Jordan was a king.
-YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
-All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
-You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out
-You collected those Beanie Babies.
-Carebears
-Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
-Lambchop's song never ended.
-The old dollar bills.
-Silver dollers, which were cool to have.
-You remember a time before the WB.
-You collected all the Troll dolls
-If you even know what an original walkman is.
-You would sit on a stoop with your friends all day and have the most fun in the world.
-When "Skip-it's" were soo cool.
-When you would go home and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and 7th Heaven- before little Ruthie was a whore, and Mary was still living at home.
-You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
-You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
-You know the Macarena by heart.
-"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
-You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
-You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
-You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
-Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
-Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
-Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
-Before MIKE JONES . . .
-Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
-Before Spongebob . . .
-Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
-When light up sneakers were cool.
-When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
-When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
-When we recorded suff on VCRs.
-When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman.
-When checking out drawing books and that one book about the rainbow fish from the library was THE cool thing to do.
-You had slap braclets!
-When Land Before Time was the movie.
-everyone had makeout bracelet
-Way back.
-Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
-Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

So yeah. I miss all that....alot.
Why does everything have to be so hard when you grow up.
It's really not even all that hard.
It's just scary I guess.
I mean...the pressure.
About everything.
I can't wait to graduate.
But I still have two years in the fucking school.
That place can rot in hell for all I care.
Fucking alsjdfl;jksafdl;a

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to
get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
-George Bernard Shaw

I think to get your heart's desire would be incredible...
But at the same time if that happens then you can get hurt.
So if you just don't get it....you've got nothing to lose.
And I guess it's better for it to be that way.
I mean that's what they say...right?
"It's better to be safe than sorry"
If you're safe...not getting what your heart desires...
there's no chance in getting hurt.
So you get what your heart desires...there's a chance you'll get hurt.
There's also a chance you could be the happiest person on earth.
Is it worth it to take that chance?
I'm not so sure.
In the end....i'm not sure if any of it will be worth it.
So it's really a lose-lose situation either way.
You get your heart's desire--you'll probly get hurt.
You don't--you're lonley for eternity.
It's really a personal choice I guess...
But people say you can't choose who you love.
This is why love is so complicated.
You're affraid to give someone your heart.
Because then they have complete power of breaking it at any given moment.
You're affraid of keeping it to yourself.
Because then you'll want to be loved.
I guess there's really no way to be truly happy in this world.
If someone has everything....they'll find something to complain about.
I'm sure of it.
But then the ones who have nothing....find a way to make a positive side to everything.
But they still have nothing.
So either way--you're fucked.
The obstacle of life--is to just make it through.
Maybe pick up some things on the way.
That's only for the lucky ones.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-04T22:22:00

2007-06-05T02:48:15Z

"Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind.
Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten."
-Siddhartha Buddha.

It sure is a good thing that this is the last full week of school.
I'm not really sure how much longer I can take this shit. I hate
that school more and more every fucking day. Not only that,
but people just keep coming up with more and more fucking
drama. I mean honestly. You people need to just stop
and grow up. No body cares what whoever said about
you. If you have a problem then go to the person
and bitch them out. If you expect to get a
result then you have to make some actions
and sitting around complaining is not
going to get anything done.
Mmkay!?
Bye.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-06-03T19:50:00

2007-06-03T23:58:57Z

So Nalani's party last night was fun.
She looked amazing.
And she has alot of family.
Hahah.
But yeah.
Jake and I talked.
I miss him.
We were like best friends last year.
And we don't even talk anymore.
And it apparently doesn't even matter anymore to him.
It just pisses me off how people can just throw friendships away.
Not even neccesarily about that.
But just in general.
Why waste the time in the first place.

I'm gonna go do something someplace else.
I don't want to sit here anymore.
I need to clean the bathroom anyways.
It's bothering me.
But here's some pictures from last night.

burn_my_soul_x3 @ 2007-05-31T23:57:00

2007-06-01T04:03:23Z

Today's accomplishments.

*Called Mr. Clark an asshole.
*Walked out of math.
*Got hired at the baseball place.
*Got a cute dress for Nalani's party.
*Wrote the stupid DBQ essay.

I think today went rather well. =D

Goodnight.

Make a difference?